Post by H on Mar 15, 2005 11:57:54 GMT
Computers
Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one.
******
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note .."
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet..
it's still on my desk... Sorry...
******
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
******
Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on 'start' for me and..
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me!
I'm not Bill Gates dang it!
******
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print.
Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'.
I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor,
but the computer still says it can't find it...
******
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Aaaah..................Thank you.
******
Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
******
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: Okay.
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.
Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!
******
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital
letter 'V' as in Victor, and the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
******
A customer couldn't get on the Internet:
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
******
Helpdesk: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
******
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has put a screensaver on my
computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
*******
Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address,
but how do I get the circle around it?
New Computer Problems
Last week I purchased a new computer. I ran into some difficulties while setting it up
so decided to call the customer support phone number we found in the manual.
I picked up the phone and called the number.
A man answered the phone and I explained the problem to him.
He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused me even more.
"Sir," I said politely, "Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?"
"Okay," the computer support guy said, "Son, could you please put your daddy on the phone?"
